Hello and welcome to the second part on ‘How to Get Your Spouse Back.’  I have told you what not to do if you discover that your spouse is cheating. I have also analyzed the various causes of infidelity in the previous part. In this segment, I shall be sharing with you the various signs that will give you an idea that something is going wrong in your marriage. Do I want to break your heart by this? Far from it!

This segment is to help you stay observant so that you can stop the progression of this negative destructive occurrence in your home. An old adage says, “A stitch in time saves nine.” As a man, don’t wait until your wife packs out of the house before you take action. Dear Sister, don’t wait until your husband brings in the strange woman or sends you packing before you commence praying or crying or running  helter-skelter for help.

I have categorized the signs into three stages:

  1. Initial signs
  2. Advanced Symptoms (Secondary signs)
  3. More Advanced Symptoms (Tertiary signs)

Let’s look at the initial symptoms today.

  1. An Unusual Upsurge of Interest in the Spouse:

As ludicrous as this may sound, this is a sign that indicates that an extra-marital affair is starting or about to start. Let me use the man as an example. At this point, the man becomes overly interested in his wife. Many times, however, the woman doesn’t seem to mind him. She could still be in her authoritative “madam in charge,” mood, etc. Meanwhile, there is a seducer outside the home that has been drawing the man’s attention and working on his mind.  In an attempt to discipline himself, he tries to show his love and affection for his wife, in order to get her to give him that kind of attention that he seems to be getting from another lady outside. Unfortunately, many women never notice; they never respond; so the efforts fall to the ground.

Dear Friend, please be sensitive to the mood of your spouse. Know when they are trying to get you to love them more. It could be that they are trying to resist the pressure of temptation from outside.

  1. Talking About the Person:

Sometimes, people who being distracted, in their dilemma; try to talk about those ‘Jezebels’ or ‘Manzibels’ (male version of Jezebels) with their spouses. Some do it directly and others, indirectly. Some would return home and tell a story about a guy or lady they met at work and their spouses would never seem to care about it.

Take this from me: When your spouse shares such an encounter with you, go ahead and also get interested in that person.

This is the point: If the person also becomes a mutual acquaintance of yours, it would help because if the relationship were to degenerate into something that is not right, it would become more difficult for the “Jezebel or Manzibel” to succeed.

  1. Request for Improvement:

The third telltale sign that your spouse is cheating or about to cheat is that they try to make requests from you to improve.

For instance, the man could ask his wife to please make improvements on her dressing – just the way he saw the Jezebel dressed. Or ask his wife to be more loving – the way he saw the seductress treat and act towards him. At that stage, he may not be interested in leaving the confines of his home, so, he tries to import what he saw outside into his home, to see if his wife will begin to do them as well. Most times, however, it falls on deaf ears.

Let me speak to you dear Sister: If your husband ever comes home and tells you, “I saw this dress style, it was cut like this and like that,” whether you understood it or not, go and make your own dress with that same style. Perhaps, he says, “I saw a hair style that was like this,” go to the salon and make that kind of hairstyle because, there is something he saw which he thinks he likes and is attracted to. He simply wants you to reproduce it, so that he can also have it in his home and not have to go out for it.

Unfortunately, these initial symptoms are the most ignored; the most missed and the most despised. Most times, however, if it is arrested at this stage, no evil progresses out of it.

  1. Sudden Distant Wandering Look:

In this case, in the middle of a sentence, the man or woman seems to “switch off” suddenly. I am certain that such times are when they remember the girl/guy outside and wondering what they should do. They seem to be fighting a struggle in their mind which tells them things like: ‘Don’t try it.’ ‘That’s adultery.’ ‘It is not right!’

When you encounter such distant wandering looks, get your spouse’s attention; talk to him, break into his train of thought and get him out of such a mood. Same applies to men.

  1. Sudden Increase in Care of Appearance:

You should be observant for sudden changes and interest in things your spouse never cared about before. Such as unusual interest in perfumes for a man/woman who never used perfumes before. For some people, it starts by the “stranger” buying such things for them, then, when they are done using it; they go out for more of it.

These are early signs and not much effort is required at such stages. However, it must be taken seriously and the therapies recommended should be applied. Positive results are compulsory for you, in Jesus Name.