Over familiarity: A cause of Infidelity
Over familiarity has cost some people their homes. This might not be a direct disrespect for each other as a couple, but the two people seem to have grown so used to each other till you hear them utter words like: “Isn’t it him?” “I know him very well,” “I know his habits.” The woman just seems to have no value for the man anymore and vice versa. In the case of the woman for instance, she becomes too used to him and begins correcting him the same way she corrects her children. Please this is wrong.
I stumbled upon a story in a book some time ago. The author described how his wife travelled and was away for about ten days. The gentle man and his two sons who were left all alone at home had the fun of their lives! They ate just about whatever they felt like eating, slept when they wanted to, and kept the house littered. They cleaned up just a day before her return.
When they went to pick her from the airport, the wife inquisitively asked if they had missed her. Then the husband answered and said: “Come to think of it, we didn’t.” She asked why not, and the man told her that they were too busy enjoying themselves in her absence to miss her. When they had their baths, they were free to drop the towel on the floor or just about anywhere they wanted to. They were free to leave the bed undressed and they could eat anything they wanted.
It was an eye opener for her and she promptly relaxed her attitude. She discovered that she had become so overbearing and rigid in her rules and regulations. She then stopped treating her husband like a little boy with rules and regulations and over- familiar attitudes.
Lots of women have become their husband’s mothers; always barking demands like: “Pick this up!” ‘Why did you leave your shoes and socks here?’ “When you get up from the bed, I want you to straighten it up.”
Many women even do worse than that. Sometimes, in front of people, they say things like: “Ah! Why are you chewing like that? Are you not educated?”
Calm down dear sister, let the man have fun, let him enjoy his home, you can’t bend a dry old stick; you will only end up breaking it. Don’t break your man; don’t break your home.
Same applies to men: Please do not talk down at your wife or make her look stupid, daft and insignificant. Such over familiar attitudes come back to hunt your relationship. Relax on your criticism of her.
Back to the women, you agree with me that some men have cheated on their wives because the women were quite inefficient, disorganized and dirty. I am sorry if this hits you below the belt. I don’t mean to castigate you or cast all the blame on you for your husband’s irresponsibility; taking off and running around with strange women, or keeping a steady girlfriend or whatever has kept him away. But, I must be frank with you. If this is true in your life, you will be surprised at what just a little adjustment can achieve.
The average man may not be domestically inclined in any way, he may not even know how to pick up his own used clothes and put away for laundry, he may never enter the kitchen to assist you prepare meals or wash up, he may never pick a broom or a mop to help clean the floor, but he definitely has a mental picture of how clean, neat, and beautifully decorated he wants his home to look.
As trivial as this seems, we have known of cases where men began to look outside their homes because of an untidy house and environment.
Strange women have succeeded in luring men with an environment that is very clean, beautiful and tranquil! They master the art of good lighting, ambient temperature, comfortable furniture, tranquilizing air fresheners and music in the background. Why don’t you do the same and even better? Don’t let the smell of children’s urine and ‘unemptied’ potty toilets remain in the rooms. Don’t allow toys and clothes littered all around the house. Train even the children to pack up their toys into a container at the end of play time.
Provide storage. By storage, I mean, facilities like shelves, cupboards and wardrobes to store away your belongings. I personally believe that these are some of a woman’s best companions in a home. Have every item neatly stored away and let your husband know where to find each. Let his socks, singlets, shoes, shirts and sleep wears all have a designated place. Keep the room clutter free, your bed sheet clean and fresh and let the bed be well made and inviting all the time.
Block out home breakers; don’t take each other for granted. Don’t stop making efforts at pleasing and impressing each other.