Premarital Sex: A Major Cause of Infidelity 2
Hi! Good to have you back J! Today, I shall be explaining the consequences of pre-marital sex. They are:
- The Destruction of Mutual Love
Let me start with a very relevant and heart-wrenching story:
“And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; an Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her….howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater that the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, arise, be gone.”
(2 Samuel 13.1, 2, 14&15; KJV)
The story above (in 2 Sam 13.1-19,) clearly elucidates the mystery of premarital sex as a factor for the destruction of love. It is a mysterious phenomenon that turns love into hatred when the foundation is destroyed.
This is the mystery behind many relationships breaking up after the pair has engaged in premarital sex. A few who are still able to stay together and eventually get married do so but not with the same intensity of love and affection they had before the premarital sex.
Amnon loved Tamar so much that he was sick with love, yet the same young man turned round and hated her with such a hatred that was greater than the love with which he had loved her. How sad that this same story is repeated daily in this day and age.
- The Destruction of Mutual Respect
“…and Amnon said unto her, arise be gone”
(2 Samuel 13.15; KJV)
Just as Amnon turned around and began to treat Tamar with disrespect and disdain, every time people destroy the pillar of respect in the marital foundation, it is amazing how they disrespect each other. The man looks down on the lady as being so cheap as to have allowed him easily have access to her body. On the other hand, the woman’s regard for the man dies because she sees that the young man does not have sufficient self-control to keep himself from defiling them both. You often find such couples quarrelling with each other in public, rude to each other in front of others and it can be a very embarrassing situation for both individuals and for onlookers.
I told a couple who wanted to marry to keep the bed clean. The lady later called me to tell me that when they went to the man’s family, he made advances towards her and she rejected it. To her surprise, the man said to her: ‘Now I know that you have self-control!’ She said that the guy was an epitome of kindness but that after that day, he took his kindness and gentleness to another level!
This is what many miss when they rush into premarital sex.
- The Destruction of Mutual Trust
Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth or ability of someone. You accept anything that the person you trust tells you without evidence or investigation because you trust them. Trust is majorly built on experience and knowledge because you know what that person has done before or what they are capable of doing.
When a couple engages in premarital sex, the pillar of trust is destroyed because the man or the woman has experienced the fact that the other party could have an immoral relationship with him or her while they were still unmarried. This makes it easy to equally believe that the partner can readily do the same with anybody else to whom he or she is not married to.
If you are a single lady reading this, please understand that while you are engaged, you are just another girl in the crowd only that he may be more interested in you and is about to make a commitment to marry you. Technically, nothing differentiates you from any other girl to whom he is not married to. So when such a young man has premarital sex with you, you easily believe that he can have extramarital sex with any other person he is not married to, and vice versa. This is the futility of such an adventure.
You find couples that the man is continuously suspicious of the wife. When she goes to the salon to make her hair, for instance, he easily imagines that she could have gone to spend the time with a boyfriend. Even simple things such as trips to the market could raise his suspicion.
Men are made in the image of God and in Exodus 20:5, the Bible describes Him as a jealous God: “thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God…” The Bible in Exodus 34.14 even calls His name Jealous: “for thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” It is therefore not a surprise that a man is easily jealous and will never want to share his wife with another man. Sometimes, the man’s jealousy can be a raging fire that can easily destroy the home.
Some women also go through mental torture once their husbands are out of their sight, imagining which woman could be in his arms at that time because trust is destroyed. Unfortunately for many, some of the distrust is just suspicion and when they have continuously accused the partner, some actually enter into extra marital affairs to justify repeated accusations. May you never be a victim of such in Jesus’ Name!
- Harvest of Extra Marital Affairs
The fourth major pillar that is destroyed when couples engage in premarital sex is the destruction of self-control — the lack of which leads to extra marital affairs. It works and operates like the principle of seedtime and harvest.
“While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest…shall not cease” (Genesis 8.22; KJV)
I discovered that the seed and harvest principle works in any area of life; however, one of the most fascinating things about it is that the harvest is always bigger than the seed. A grain of corn, for instance, when planted will yield a stalk of corn plant which has at least two or three corn cobs, each containing hundreds of individual grain. Therefore, one grain eventually yields hundreds of individual grain in the harvest.
In the same manner, the seed of premarital sex would more often than not yield a harvest of extra marital affair with one or more partners— what a disaster!
There are a few other consequences which however will be better elucidated in another series. You will agree with me, however, that the negative consequences of premarital sex far outweigh the transient pleasures of a few minutes of uncontrolled passion.
My earnest prayer is that you will not fall a victim if you are yet to be married. For the married reading this material, if you have already laid a wrong foundation, there is no need to despair; all hope is not lost; God can still heal your home and wipe away the negative consequences in Jesus’ Name.
Join me again tomorrow as I show you how to rebuild your marital foundation if your spouse and you engaged in premarital sex.